Sunday, August 3, 2008

The Clone Wars

Star Wars Clone Wars.
Does anyone give a rip? This Mediasaur is trying to find it within himself to care about another Star Wars. This is also a Mediasaur that defended Episodes 1-3 in the face of multiple Tyranosaurus/Mediasaur hybrids.

Jabba's son has been kidnapped?

Everyone looks like they took an anime pill?

The Mediasaurs want faith, but their lack of faith is disturbing at this point. Perhaps you can help the Mediasaurs to see the light? The Mediasaurs were even at the Toys R Us SW figure release on Friday the 25th of July. Still not feeling it. We did go and see how many people put their free General Greivous figures on EBAY though. RIDICULOUS. Help us to have faith in this mess.

Here is the thing: Star Wars is over. I wrestle with this absolute fact every time a new Star Wars franchise is unlocked, but the fact remains. The films, the six movies are canon. Everything past those films is a nonsensical addition or money grab. Every Timothy Zahn book doesn't count. Every episode of Droids or Ewoks do not count. The Cute little Clone Wars cartoon series that was horribly animated for the Cartoon Network does not count. If it is too crappy, Lucas steps in himself and tells you things like, "The Holiday Special does not count."

Why am I so gung-ho to delete these mediocre offerings from the Star Wars universe? How can I just step in here as a Mediasaur and kick days of footage and thousands of years of so called history to the curb? The answer is simple: There is no point to all of that crap.

The big-screen movies are canon. Furthermore, they come with roman numerals before them so you know what order they are supposed to be watched in. One should be allowed to power through those movies and feel that they have completed something. They have completed something. The story is done. I personally have powered my way through those movies more times than is really necessary in one lifetime. I know my Star Wars well. So why, when I went to Toys R Us to see the new toys revealed at midnight on July 25th did I feel like such a noob? Why, as I stood in line with one child per every ten forty year old men (I had a child with me by the way) did I feel so out of place? Why, when a bunch of dorks broke out in an all out war about individuals like Darth Cereal, Darth Peppercorn and Lord Bungeecord did I have no idea who they were talking about? I'll tell you why: having exhausted the main STORY, the franchise has nowhere to go. Now they are about doing just a little more than SELLING PRODUCT. I originally watched these movies because I liked them. Not because I was going to run to the store afterward to buy some toys made by Lego and Hasbro. This means Marketing.

In order to sell people stuff that they have no real need for, you have to cultivate consumers. The dorks at this TRU release were typical of the target population--geeks who care about the superficial aspects as facts that they can master and then argue about with other geeks. These people are ripe for all of the new, pointless Star Wars trash that is coming out. I had no idea what they were talking about because I could give a rip

The six movies are plenty.

Now, some smart individual is going to state to me that this new CG Clone Wars movie that drops this month should be counted as canon because it is on the big screen. I say that you sir, are wrong. I do not expect this movie to move me, and this is why: Are we getting episode II.5? No, we are getting a computer generated cartoon.

Listen: if you see a real actor in a laser battle with light sabres swinging and droids shooting, there is a connection you can make. You read the actor's face (even if he is stiff) and you see things happening that are in a presentation that smacks of some sort of reality. But if you generate all of the things that I have just mentioned to you through a computer, the viewers are stuck with just the spectacle. I argue that CG stills fall short in attempts to communicate "human" feeling in the faces and gestures of characters. There is still something very artificial about CG. And so we lose the emotional connection. An authentic Star Wars movie works because it is part spectacle, part plot and one part (attempted) emotion. (I am saying that the emotion is weak, because frankly, the acting needed a tune-up. However, there was some acting. There was some emotion.) But this CG movie that is coming is going to be all spectacle, plot and no emotion.

If you are struggling with this, watch any Shrek, Kung-Fu Panda or Pixar movie and you will know what I am talking about. PLOT is what drives those films. Spectacle is solid too, but the emotional connection is forever lost because they haven't figured out how to mock a human completely yet. They are getting close. Final Fantasy Advent Children was a step in the right direction. What I would argue is that CG technology just doesn't mirror or transcend true reality yet. The imagination is a powerful thing though, and the spectacle that will be generated in this upcoming Star Wars CG film is going to have a ridiculous amount of spectacle.

Furthermore, it isn't even from 20th Century Fox, who has brought the original canon to us. This is some more Warner Brothers Cartoon Network stuff.

Oh, I will see it. There is no question that I will, but it isn't canon. Don't you forget that. This isn't like waiting in line for Episode I, II or III. This is more like going to the theatre to watch an extended episode of Droids or Ewoks. It will be a cool diversion, but it is not canon.

-Mediasaurus Rex

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