Saturday, January 24, 2009

THE ALPHABET KILLER and CARY EWLES - A BADASS MOVIE REVIEW


JAN 23, 2009
THE ALPHABET KILLER AND CARY ELWES
I am halfway through the ALPHABET KILLER. To put it in the simplest terms as possible: The film isn't good. Why am I only halfway through it? More interesting things came up. I will finish it later. The story is about a detective who is played by Eliza Dushku who completely snaps while investigating a serial killer. The serial killer likes to kill girls who have their first and last names starting with the same letter of the alphabet. Then he dumps the body in a town starting with the same letter as well. Somehow, we are supposed to cut this film all sorts of slack because it is "based on true events."

The last time I tried to cut a movie slack because it was based on true events was THE SERPENT AND THE RAINBOW. If you have suffered through that ridiculous voodoo movie, you know that the events are completely untrue in that movie, but that it was written by people who can't write.The ALPHABET KILLER isn't a bad movie really. I am reserving most of my judgement until I see those credits roll. I have to say that what is keeping me going in this film has nothing to do with a murderer, young girls or some mystery about the alphabet. What is keeping me going is my wondering about all of these broken down actors starring in it.
Ms. Dushku catches a pass, this is her vehicle. But Cary Elwes? He was the smart-assed swashbuckler in THE PRINCESS BRIDE. Cary Elwes has hit my radar TWICE since TPB. Once was in SAW 1 and the other time is now with this ALPHABET SOUP movie. Has-been actors Timothy Hutton (who has an Academy Award for fux sake), Michael Ironside and Tom Noonan are also in this movie. But Cary Elwes? I always thought he was from a class of actors that wouldn't step in this kind of direction. He seemed built to shoot into the stratosphere. Maybe not though, a cursory IMDB takedown of his career shows a bunch of television and cartoon voice work. But here he is, bloated and working his way through a role that is truly beneath him. Consequently, I am having a hard time enjoying this movie. I'll say more when I finish it.

*Epilogue*
Ok, I finished it. It forced me to go and do some research on the actual case that was being referenced. As a result, the absolute frustration on the line that they were trying to sell me in this film warranted that I write this now. The movie is stupid beyond reason. The movie posits the killer as one of the main characters that in no way could have done what was said to have been done. He shows up in a random way and he exposes himself as the killer in an even more random way. This movie is preposterous. I question the integrity of all of the actors involved. When I first wrote this, I was zeroing in on Cary Ewles, but he is just a part of the big ugly puzzle. Timothy Hutton is much more of a culprit as I think about it. Cary Ewles was truly aimed for the stratosphere. However, Timothy Hutton was aimed for the stratosphere, and he was riding on an Oscar missile. What are both of these clowns thinking? How could they have said yes to this trash? This movie is a fail. It doesn't deliver. Just when you think it might, it slips by and punks out...HARD. If you sit through it you will see what I am talking about. The last scene is one of those scenes that you have learned to hate in film. It is akin to the large "TO BE CONTINUED" that has gone across the screen of too many television shows.
Pfeh.

More of my musings can be found HERE. Furthermore, you contact me at mailto:admin@mediasaurs.com