Monday, August 16, 2010

THE EXPENDABLES - A BADASS SPOILERIFFIC FORUM REVIEW



THE EXPENDABLES - A BADASS SPOILERIFFIC FORUM REVIEW
By: SPINAL VILLAIN

The Expendables, a manly, spoiler-riffic BADASS movie review.


Sly Stallone returns in a much anticipated action movie that is sure to get many mixed reviews. And why would it get mixed reviews; meaning that some would hate it and others would love it? Because THE EXPENDABLES isn't just any movie. It's a MANLY movie. Manly movies are not meant for everyday Joes. This is a move that houses the biggest names in both past and present day action movies.
Now, if you're interested in long-winded scripts, thought provoking screen plays or Shakespearean dialogue, you might want stop reading here and go see INCEPTION. If you want a rockin', kick-ass time out at the theater, by all means, read on.

The team of Expendables is being called up for a job.
The mission is supposedly simple, set-up by DIE HARD action movie star, Bruce Willis, who plays Mr. Church(the irony of that is just overly hilarious), a shadowy fellow who offers the job to the two best teams. The other rival merc team leader enters and it's none other than the Governator himself. What ensues is laughable exchange of insults that is based on past movies and characters as well as real life situations. It’s a very enjoyable scene that gets downplayed in the commercials.

Stallone and Statham go on a recon mission that is soon botched and both decide to pass on the job as it is a suicide mission drafted by the C.I.A. intended to either get rid of the mercs or kill one of their own because the C.I.A. doesn't want to get their hands dirty for fear of a press field day if it's discovered.

After a brief, nostalgic discussion with Sly's friend and former teammate, Mickey Rourke, Stallone is struck with guilt because of the girl on the botched recon mission who is now being tortured to give information about The Expendables team. Stallone decides to do this Rambo-style and that a one man army is good enough to satisfy his grief. Long story short, his friends and fellow teammates tag along.

Jason Statham gets a large and prominent roll in this move. In fact, it's as much about him as it is Sly Stallone. Being a merc for hire is hard on Statham's love life and after a month of no phone calls, his girlfriend is already frolicking around in a short mini with some overly macho, easily intimidated ass-wipe.

The Expendables pulls out all the stops when it comes to fire power. The team uses state of the art guns to achieve their objectives. Automatic shotguns, throwing knives, night vision, custom gear and enough C-4 to orbit Ah-nuld Schwarzenegger, are all prominently displayed for an explosive cinematic experience that pays homage to the 80's and 90's action movies.

This movie does have its serious moments, like the waterboarding of the previously mentioned civilian girl to gain information about the Expendables team. And of course, it's Latin America we're in as well, so drugs play a role as well as corrupt American Officials.


The only major gripe I have with movie was Eric Roberts. His character looked like it was molded from a stressed-out, less slicked version of Pat Reilly (ex-L.A. Lakers coach). Most of the screen time he had was pretty much painful to endure. I was glad when Statham, Stallone and Li came back on screen because their manliness and humor brought much needed relief to my eyes and ears due to Roberts over acting and horrible dialogue. A high-school thespian could easily have been cast over Roberts, who, at one time was a great actor. What was director Sly Stallone thinking when he was viewing Roberts’ auditions?

The pros on this movie vastly outweigh the cons. And exactly why is that, you ask? Because I knew precisely what I was going into when I went to see this (besides my trolling from Mediasaurs.com). I knew it was NOT going to be INCEPTION or LORD OF THE RINGS. I knew, rather, it was going to be TANGO AND CASH (Stallone and Statham), or THE BOURNE SUPREMACY, or RAW DEAL or the like. I'm more than fine with that. Sometimes a little less is a little more.

Overall it's a manly movie with hardcore firepower, vintage fight sequences with modern execution, lots of C-4 and a couple of hot chicks to boot, as well as a dump-truckload of testosterone.


Guys night out just hit a new milestone.